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What is in process imaginable at Dr. Peter Rost’s “Matter Authority” blog? First of fully, finalizing to catalog forward via the set grapple redirected us to his Amazon charts verso, or to his “YouTube” promo video, rather than to his web log. Including recently, it’s been throwing up “Fall into Denied” or \"No Discourse” screens, moreover then redirecting us to rather sinister-seeming US government pact Web links. Is Dr. Rost being got at done “Them”? Or is he in toto exercising that wacky conclude of humour this lead tos his website so standard? I await it’s the latter. I objective we’ll nurture out soon enough.

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Phoni Chairman and CEO Johnny B. Sinister visited the Satan’s Kingdom site in Vermont on Wednesday to meet with soon-to-be ex-employees, answer questions about the impending site closure, and to encourage them to apply for positions at other Phoni sites. Employees gathered in the Inner Sanctum, keen to hear what Johnny had to say for himself. Protected by burly security guards, John began by saying that the decision to close the Satan’s Kingdom site was the most difficult one of his career. Sinister: “I know what you are all thinking. I should do, after all, given the amount of money the company has spent on covert surveillance equipment to monitor its employees over the past couple of years. I’ve seen your reactions to the site closure announcements in your e-mails and in your correspondence to each other and to your friends outside of the company. And yes, Karl (points at man in crowd), I thought your e-mail comparing my face to various parts of animals was particularly amusing. You’ve obviously got quite a sense of humour, which is just as well (waves to security guards, who drag Karl away). You’ll find our disciplinary process an absolute riot, Karl, and I’m sure you’ll get a huge laugh out of kissing goodbye to 20 years-worth of severance pay. Anyway, regarding operations here at Satan’s Kingdom, the decision to close this site wasn’t easy. But let’s face it, Phoni inherited this site from its take-over of Smallpharm and you were never really part of the Phoni family, so you were always vulnerable….” Voice from crowd: “But John, the people at this site were responsible for the discovery and development of 4 out of 5 of Phoni’s biggest-selling compounds, and pretty much all of the significant ones you have in development. How does this closure make sense from a business perspective?” Sinister: “Thanks for the question, which I’ll answer as part of my commitment to openness and honesty (gestures to Security guards, who seize the questioner and drag him away) . You have to remember that we have already asset-stripped your ideas, and that most of your best scientists have either already left for other companies or have relocated to our main R & D centre in Dry Prong, Louisiana. The site closures were based on productivity metrics and your site, not having a long history of Phoni management, really didn’t know how to lie about its productivity compared to its more established counterparts.” Another voice from crowd: “But why have US and European sites borne the brunt of cutbacks whilst the UK has escaped any major upheaval?” Sinister: (gesturing to the guards again). “There are several reasons for this. It’s partly because the UK is so small and so far away that we keep forgetting about them, and partly because the Brits really have got very creative about their performance, both as individuals and as a site. This team player ethic appeals to us on the Board. Their recent track record in R & D isn’t very good, but this is just what the company needs at this time in its history.” (Audience starts muttering in disbelief…) Sinister: “Think about it. The vast majority of compounds never make it to the market. Most ideas wind up being failures. Success in R & D is not a natural state of affairs. So we on the Board think it makes sense to retain those sites with the greatest experience of the day-to-day realities of R & D. In fact, the bigger the failure, the more we intend to reward it, hence the increased investment in our main R & D facilities at Dry Prong and our Nether Wallop site in the UK.” Employee: “So what’s going to happen to our site and when?” Sinister: “Well, most of the buildings are way too big and too expensive to run for us to be able to sell them to anyone, even as shopping malls. So in the next 6-12 months, you’ll see the bulldozers coming in to demolish most of them so we can sell the land off for redevelopment and release some of our assets that way. We hope to have most of the employees out of them before that happens, but if not, well, that’ll keep the cost of the severance packages down at least.” Employee: “Tell us about the practical aspects of the relocation packages for employees that want to keep working for Phoni”.

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